Ten things that need to be invented:
1. Chalk that doesn't rub off on your hands or on your black clothes .
2. Self-correcting essays.
3. Self-correcting quizzes.
4. Self-correcting exams .
5. A contraption that enables readers to peruse the Norton Anthology of English Literature with some degree of relative comfort. (Added plus if the contraption allows you to read the Norton while lying in bed.)
6. A portable levitation device for the aforementioned Norton, as well as the Riverside editions of Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Milton.
7. A translator that would instantly render illegible handwriting legible .
8. Permanently functional audio-visual equipment.
9. A wall clock visible only to the instructor.
10. A Family Feud-type game board for Socratic Q&A sessions.
 A recent survey indicated that approximately 85% of all academics specializing in language & literature wear black approximately 90% of the time. Several explanations have been offered for this interesting phenomenon, including a) a genetic deficiency that renders such academics unable to coordinate colors, b) an inexplicable affection for the bohemian look, and c) a permanently gloomy mindset, courtesy of years spent attending the MLA instead of, say, lying on a beach in Acapulco.
 Is there a theme here?
 To be used by both students and professors, of course.