12:15:57. Exit front door and enter cold, rainy, grey afternoon.
12:15:59. Shut front door.
12:16. Reach for keys in order to lock deadbolt.
12:16:18. No keys in knapsack, either.
12:16:19. Utter choice selection of colorful phrases that shall not be repeated here, as parents still believe that LP is a sweet, innocent child who remains unacquainted with such vulgar language.
12:17. Ponder use value of a cellphone.
12:18. Head across street to neighbors in order to borrow their phone.
12:21. Proceed to dial "twenty-four hour emergency locksmiths."
12:25. After discovering that "twenty-four hours" is, at best, a figure of speech, finally discover an available locksmith. Who, unfortunately, is thirty minutes away.
12:26. Pet neighbors' Maine Coon cats.
12:40. Head back across street to continue waiting for locksmith. See under: cold, rain, etc.
12:55. Look! A locksmith!
1:03. Locksmith points out that doorknob is upside down, which will make it nearly impossible to pick the lock. But he'll try.
1:10. Like he said: can't pick the lock. Apparently, an upside-down doorknob is excellent for security purposes. Not so useful, however, under current circumstances.
1:12. Locksmith takes a power drill to the doorknob.
1:15. Doorknob now in pieces. I sigh.
1:16. Locksmith inquires if I'd like a new doorknob. Seeing as how aforementioned doorknob is now in aforementioned pieces, I fail to see that I have much choice in the matter.
1:30. New doorknob. Also less money than I had seventy-five minutes ago.