(Excerpted from Scholars & Students: The Academic Role-Playing Game.)
0-LEVEL PROFESSORIAL SPELLS
- RENDER LEGIBLE. When cast on bluebooks, turns illegible cursive legible. Professors will be able to read illegible cursive written in pencil with a DC 12 Interpreter check.
- STAPLE. Reminds Students to use the stapler in the department office before handing in papers. May be blocked if multiple Professors utilize the spell within +2 hours of each other.
- DETECT BOREDOM. Allows Professors to pinpoint daydreaming Students. Professors at 0-Level can only Detect Boredom in students with two hit dice or less.
- CAUSE PARTICIPATION. Provokes silent students into contributing to classroom discussion. Eliciting intelligent classroom discussion, however, requires a DC 10 Course Management check; DC 9 or less may produce random comments or out-of-place queries. Add 2 to the die roll for students with 3 hit dice or more; add 1 for each Professorial level over three.
- RECONCILE PAGES. Allows Professors faced with a class of students using multiple editions of the same text to identify the correct page numbers for each edition. If Students are using a text downloaded from the Internet, the Professor must perform a DC 16 Collation check.
1st-LEVEL PROFESSORIAL SPELLS
- CAUSE STUDYING. +3 to Student Concentration and Reading rolls. May be blocked if cast on Friday nights, at the end of finals week, during Homecoming Week, or before Thanksgiving.
- CANCEL MEETINGS. Professors at Level One may cancel department meetings only. (See Appendix 253 for a full list of levels and corresponding meetings.) This spell may be countered by another Professor's Spell of Urgency, and will always be blocked by a Department Chair's Reminder of Contractual Obligations.
- ACCEPT GRADES. -2 to Students' Argument rolls. However, Students with 3 hit dice or more may retaliate with a Spell of Grievance (-3 to Professors' Endurance rolls).
- MAGIC PEN. Increases grading speeds by a factor of at least two.
- SUMMON SENIOR COLLEAGUE. Professors attacked by Red Tape (q.v.) or under a Spell of Bewilderment may conjure up a tenured colleague for assistance. For correct information, perform a DC 12 Bureaucracy check.
2nd-LEVEL PROFESSORIAL SPELLS
- CHARM CLASS. +3 to Professor's Charisma. If the spell is cast while returning graded exams or papers, Students receive +5 bonus to Resistance.
- DETECT PLAGIARISM. All instances of plagiarism will be highlighted; recommended for use in conjunction with Accept Grades. If a paper has been plagiarized using books instead of Google, however, perform a DC 14 Professorial Dedication check.
- MAGIC MEMO. Automatically generates memoranda addressed to colleagues, administrators, etc. Perform a DC 10 Spellcheck check before mailing.
- SPILL RED INK. Instantly identifies all grammatical errors in student papers. If Students have 2 hit dice or less, then Professors automatically take -10 in Charisma rolls for a minimum of 2 rounds; if 3 hit dice or more, then -5 in Charisma.
- DESTROY CELL PHONES. Fries circuitry in all cell phones within a 10 ft. radius. Professor must perform a DC 16 Electronics check if his or her own phone is in spell range.
3rd-LEVEL PROFESSORIAL SPELLS
- DECODE TEXT. Translates all e-mails written as text messages into recognizable English. May be cast only once per day.
- CHOCOLATE EFFECT. +5 to Professors' Charisma rolls; -3 to Students' Resistance rolls. Best used while handing out evaluations.
- SUMMON DEAN. Professors under a Spell of Grievance may rescue themselves by Summoning a Dean. +3 to all Professors' Intelligence, Charisma, and Resistance rolls with a DC 15 Administrative check.
- HAND OF TECHNOLOGY. Enables Professors to operate electronic equipment, including DVD players, Smart Carts, and projectors. Lasts for one class period.
- SPEAK POP. Temporarily grants Professors knowledge of contemporary music, television, film, and video games. The Professor must perform a DC 13 Poseur check each time he or she makes an allusion; failure results in -8 Charisma rolls, plus +10 to Students' Resistance rolls.
(Thanks to the D&D Wiki for helping me brush up on my very rusty D&D lingo.)