Some proposed descriptions for used books, with translations

• From an environmentally-conscious household: has mold issues.
• I've chewed over the contents: used as a toy by my Rottweiler.
• Adored by all the bookworms in my family: as you can see from those tiny holes.
• The foundation of my collection: used to stabilize an unsteady bookcase.
• Well-loved: in danger of immediate collapse.
• Needs some love: see above.
• Gently used: for target practice, but my aim is really quite poor. 
• Extra-illustrated: my youngest son glued pictures of his Transformers collection into this first edition of Foxe's Acts and Monuments.
• Carefully annotated in owner's hand: some brat scribbled all over it in cyan crayons.
• In like-new condition: if by "like-new" you mean "new from the damaged returns bin."
• In my family for generations: and the book has survived this long because it's too dull for any of us to bother reading it.
• Almost impossible to find: unless you have a passing acquaintance with Google.
• A really unusual book: except for the 392,032 copies just like it.
• I'm only selling this because I'm out of shelf space: and let me tell you, given the choice between keeping this one and keeping the latest Star Trek franchise novel...
• A true collectible: because it's not like it has any actual literary value. 
• Your children will love it: unlike my children, who cried whenever I offered to read it to them.
• Read over and over again: you don't want to know what the spine looks like.
• I think it's a first edition: because William Law's A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life was first published in 1932, right?

Comments

[Brandon]

The last one is too true not to be funny.

[Richard Heft]

Rare: They published 20 million copies of this puppy in 1969, and there's one going for 25 cents in every thrift store in America, but it's currently out of print (e.g., AIRPORT).

[Bourgeois Nerd]

"I'm only selling this because I'm out of shelf space: and let me tell you, given the choice between keeping this one and keeping the latest Star Trek franchise novel..."

Hey, the latest Star Trek franchise novel was actually pretty good. I read it last week.

[jkcohen]

I've always been fairly lucky with used books -- generally, there's a little bit of grade inflation, but, when that's taken into account, I've had few disappointments. One Euphues (Croll & Clemons) with warped boards; one Gradus ad Parnassum with slight water damage; otherwise, everything as advertised.