You are standing in a hallway. There are exits to the south and east. There are locked doors to the north and west.
> go north
You are standing in front of a locked door. There is a nameplate here.
> read nameplate
It's your name, oddly enough.
> open door
With what? Your bare hands?
> yes
You batter the steel door with your bare hands, breaking several fingers in the process.
> restart
You are standing in a hallway. There are exits to the south and
east. There are locked doors to the north and west.
> go north
You are standing in front of a locked door. There is a nameplate here.
> unlock door with key
The door is now unlocked.
> enter
It's dark here. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
> turn on light
You are in a messy office. Papers cover the desk and threaten to fall onto the floor. A box of old assignments sits on one chair. There are seven bookcases, most of them full of books.
> look at books
There are some unread books on American intellectual history here.
> remove books
The books are still on the shelf.
> pick up books
The books are still on the shelf.
> throw books across the room
Getting a little violent, aren't we?
The books are still on the shelf.
> put books on free book table
The books laugh at your feeble efforts to discard them.
> feed books to grue
Grues aren't interested in eating Lincoln in American Memory. Too chewy.
> why can't I get rid of books?
"You may want us someday," say the books. "Perhaps your next book will be on Lincoln."
> point out to books that I'm a Victorianist
The books remind you that transnational studies are the new in thing.
> tell books that I've had them for over a decade without reading them
The books shrug, and observe that they must therefore be signs of unknown intellectual potential.
> tear hair
You just had a haircut.
> demonstrate willpower
The books laugh at your feeble efforts to discard them.
> xyzzy
The office dissolves.
You are in a home library. There are bookstacks and other bookcases here, most of them filled with books.
A cat is sitting on a chair, staring at you balefully.
> feed cat
The cat chows down.
> look at bookcases
There are many bad Victorian novels here.
> change research specialty to something involving good novels
You're too far gone to recover.
> look for something else in the bookcases
There are many twentieth- and twenty-first century historical novels here.
> sort books
The books stare at you with considerable suspicion.
> remove uninteresting books from bookcases
The books are still on the shelf.
> prepare books for donation
The books are still on the shelf.
> tell books that I'm the one in charge
The books snicker, and remind you that you're negotiating to buy a new house for them.
> charge at bookcases, scattering books to the floor
The books shriek in rage. You hear a strange growling noise behind you...
You have been eaten by a grue.
Game over. Play again? Y/N
I've been reading your delightful blog for a while but, oh, my goodness. What a delight.
I'm a classicist with a rebellious streak, so "> change research specialty to something involving good [poems]" hits pretty close to home.
Posted by: Claudius Vandermeer | June 29, 2010 at 04:29 AM
You should have tried "plugh".
Posted by: CCPhysicist | July 02, 2010 at 01:12 PM