[For the uninitiated, see here.]
It is written in the Book of the Academe:
Eons ago, before “deconstruction” was invented, the dark angel Peststrictural invaded the domains of Eldcritique, and stole the Great Gem of Promotion. Ever since, those who hail from the world of Acidemicks have sought, frequently in vain, to obtain this Gem. According to legend, this quest can only be completed by obtaining a Pier-Revued Publiquation.
You, a newly-credentialed female Professor, have been chosen to set out upon this quest in the company of your pet iPad, $$$. Good luck!
Your inventory:
- ARMOR: a- a +0 tweedy jacket; b- a +0 file folder
- WEAPONS: c- an uncursed ballpoint pen; d- a blessed +2 highlighter
- STORAGE: e- four uncursed 4 GB thumb drives
- SCROLLS: f- an uncursed scroll of grading; g- an uncursed scroll of proofreading
- SPELLBOOKS: h- a blessed spellbook of cancel committee meeting
- TOOLS: I- a blessed library card
[Exits room]
…
> A Minor Typo is here! It sneaks into your paper title!
> You stab the Minor Typo with your ballpoint pen! You scratch it out!
> Your iPad eats a Minor Typo.
…
[Enters room]
> j- a dogeared scroll.
> You are stuck in a Procrastination Trap! You spend the next five hours on Facebook.
> You have escaped from the trap.
> A Department Chair is here! It zaps you with a silver wand! You sag under the burden of committee work. The Department Chair disappears!
[Read g]
> You fail to cast that spell correctly.
[Attempts to move]
> You are overburdened with committee work! Your feet are frozen to the floor!
> You can move again.
[Exits room]
…
> k- a desk. You adjust your load. Movement is difficult.
[Drop k]
[#loot]
> There is a desk here, loot it?
[y]
> You carefully open the desk…It discharges a vast crackle of static electricity! Your thumb drives sizzle and explode! Your iPad sizzles and explodes!
[Exits room]
…
> An Incorrect MLA Citation is here! Your bibliography is scrambled! You attack it with your highlighter! You missed. Your bibliography is scrambled! You attack it with your highlighter! You hit the Incorrect MLA Citation. You erase the Incorrect MLA Citation!
> l- a chocolate cupcake. m- an Interlibrary Loan Request.
[Eat l]
> Yummy!
[Exits room]
…
[Enters room]
> "Hi there! Welcome to Edwin's Electronic Shoppe!"
[Click on thumb drive]
> Wait! Theoretical Jargon is hiding under that thumb drive! It attacks! Your paper becomes unreadable! You attack the Theoretical Jargon with your ballpoint pen! You miss! Your paper is now completely unreadable! You attack the Theoretical Jargon with your ballpoint pen! You destroy the Theoretical Jargon!
[Exits room]
...
> You hear the clicking sounds of a printer.
…
[Enters room]
[#kick printer]
> Really kick the printer? [ynq]
[y]
> Reams of paper begin spooling out of the printer! A Department Chair appears! It zaps you with an iridium wand! You are attacked by a Budget Crunch! The Budget Crunch steals your uncursed scroll of grading! You attack the Budget Crunch with your ballpoint pen! You missed! The Budget Crunch steals your ballpoint pen!
[Repeat ad nauseam. Finally exit room, with no weapons, scrolls, or spellbooks]
…
> You’re starting to run out of storage.
…
[Enter room]
> n- a fountain pen. o- a thumb drive. p- a filing cabinet. You have a little trouble lifting p- a filing cabinet.
[Drop p]
[#loot]
> There is a filing cabinet here, loot it?
[y]
> q- a midterm. r- an antiquated disk drive. s- five floppy disks.
[Load o]
> The thumb drive has bad sectors! It destroys five pages of your paper!
[“Drat! A cursed thumb drive! Where’s an identify scroll when you need one?!”]
> You’re starting to run out of storage.
[Apply r]
> Apply to what?
[s]
> The floppy disks have bad sectors! They destroy five pages of your paper!
[“Can’t I catch just one break in this game?”]
[Exits room]
…
[Enters room]
> You have triggered a Grading trap! A stack of midterms falls on your head!
> There is a Modem here! Your information begins flowing very slowly.
> Professor needs storage, stat!
[Exits room]
…
[Enters room]
> There is an Inaccessible Source here! It zaps you with a wooden wand! It disappears! Your argument disappears!
> Your paper disintegrates from lack of storage. Your paper disintegrates from lack of storage. Your paper disintegrates from lack of storage. You fail to publish…
[Quit]
Truly excellent.
Posted by: Rich Puchalsky | March 03, 2011 at 12:19 AM
Great work - thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Silvio | March 17, 2011 at 09:01 AM